With both tribes voting off their strongest and most charismatic players, Thursday (Oct. 7) night's "Survivor: Vanuatu" begins with an extra-long recap package geared not only as a reminder of what came before, but as a desperate attempt to make viewers care about the lackluster band of remaining castaways.

The episode opens with the usual stock footage of volcanic eruptions, but a real seismic disturbance is building in Yasur. Eliza is outraged that Lisa would have abandoned the Sorority Alliance to vote Mia out. Eliza's particularly peeved because she did the same the week before, conniving to eliminate Dolly.

"She repulses me now," Eliza says of Lisa, already looking for ways to boot the turncoat.

Over in Lopevi, Rory was nearly voted out, but he isn't worrying. As annoying as Rory may be, he knows that his Alliance of the Aged has the numbers to keep him around for at least another couple weeks.

"The good young guys that have great personalities and are good athletes are all gone," says mechanical bull operator John, who senses he may be on the verge of getting bucked. "Why we are letting fat dudes run the show?"

FBI agent Brady sees fishing as the best way to ingratiate himself to the alliance he dubs the Fab Five. He attempts to go all Rupert on the island's aquatic life, but finds only Nemo and several more guppies from his school.

The Reward Challenge requires memory. The women think they're sure to win because they saw a rainbow, but they don't know that the men have a ringer -- Bubba insists that he's more Rain Man than Gump.

What are they playing for? A servant! With a clap of his hand, host Jeff Probst summons Dah, a survival superstar from another tribe, a real tribe. They are literally playing to win the services of a native for 24 hours. Whatever CBS and Mark Burnett are paying poor Dah can hardly be just compensation for his total loss of dignity. Somebody should probably be ashamed.

Although Bubba bragged of his mnemonic powers, the Yasur women rush off to a large lead and score Slave for a Night, Dah. The ladies head back to camp, but Dah will have to meet them there, because he has to sit at the back of the "Survivor" bus.

Solitary Dah glides up in his canoe and the women greet him eagerly. Scout seems confused that Dah doesn't want to sit and have tea and discuss putting Twila's head in cornrows. With canned pseudo-tribal music permeating the background, Dah rushes through the jungle isolating roots and sugar cane and coconut. Apparently the women have been living on the edge of an all-you-can-eat salad bar for weeks and they hadn't realized it. Now, however, they're going to Sizzler. Dah is nearly as powerful as Michael Clarke Duncan in "The Green Mile" and approaching the levels of magical spirituality ascribed to Will Smith in "The Legend of Bagger Vance." If this is what "Survivor" producers consider an enlightened attitude toward the native culture, Aaron McGruder should show up in the next episode to slap somebody silly.

The Dah-less Lopevis are getting sick of plantains. Bubba is becoming particularly deranged, referring to himself in the third person and carving his family's name into his torch. He's all about his kinfolk.

Meanwhile, having fed the Yasur ladies, Dah is now making their beds, fixing up their tent and, if time allows, he seems ready to paddle Miss Daisy.

"He was good to do anything we asked and I though it was just extremely gracious of him," declares Scott, who sees Dah as the native version of Dr. Phil, an angel sent to heal their discord. And the next morning the Yasur women have crabs. Their new friend even shows them how to catch the little critters. As Dah leaves, the women, a team once again, join together to sing a spiritual, suggesting that given enough time, they probably would have tried to convert, or at least civilize, their assistant.

Brady's tired of playing nice. He goes to Sarge and tries to encourage the big guy to get rid of Rory. Of course, it seems like every week somebody tries to convince Sarge that Rory is useless. In fact, Brady has tried the same ploy at least once before.

Immunity rests on a giant tile puzzle, with each team selecting one player to serve as eyes, overseeing everything. Rory, who enjoys being about to bark at Sarge, takes control for the men, while Eliza coordinates things for the women. The men bicker and accomplish nothing, while the women zip through the puzzle.

The Alliance of the Aged should be very proud of themselves. In just a few short weeks, they have put together one of the weakest tribes in "Survivor" history. These men aren't strong, they aren't smart and they're incapable of working together as a team. Even Dah, plus Queen Latifah in "Bringing Down the House" and Laurence Fishburne in "The Matrix" wouldn't be able to take these guys to the next level.

The men head to Tribal Council battered and beaten. They're playing some perverted version of the game that should be dubbed "Ayn Rand Survivor," wherein anybody who gives the slightest consideration to the communal good is eliminated.

Brady is voted out and, I guess, Atlas shrugged.